Caring for a loved one can bring up a lot of emotions.
While we often think of these feelings as being positive—love, gratitude, and compassion—it’s also very common to feel frustrated, resentful, or even angry. When these negative feelings surface, they can be confusing, especially if your care recipient is a parent or someone with whom you have a long and complicated history.
You might find yourself looking back at your relationship, remembering both the good times and the challenging ones. It’s natural for buried feelings to rise to the surface as you process your time together. You may feel guilty for having negative thoughts about someone you are caring for, thinking you should only be feeling sad or loving. It’s important to know that you are not an awful person for having these emotions.
No relationship is perfect. Life is full of complicated moments, and it’s okay that your relationship with your loved one wasn’t always a fairytale of smiles and happiness. Love isn’t just a feeling; it’s also an action. While you may not always feel loving, you can still act with love.
This is where the power of love comes in. When you are not feeling the emotion of love, you can still show and give love through your actions. You can provide care, be present, and do the day-to-day tasks that show you are committed to their well-being. Your love then becomes a verb—something you do, not just something you feel.
So, when memories of past hurts or unpleasant events come up, remember you can still use the verb love to care for your special person. Acknowledging your feelings of anger or resentment doesn’t make you a bad caregiver or a bad person. It makes you human. By continuing to provide care, you are demonstrating a profound and powerful form of love that goes beyond simple emotion.
We hope this information is helpful to you in the important work you do as a family caregiver.
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