“Is it right to move my spouse into residential care? Their dementia is getting harder for me to handle. I feel guilty, but I can’t do it anymore.”
Considering out-of-home care for your spouse can be a difficult decision. Family members often promise to keep an ill loved one at home for as long as possible. But there are many reasons why moving your spouse to residential care may not only be necessary, but also the right thing to do.
The “right” time is when you need it
The decision to move your spouse to residential care is a very personal one. When their care needs are beyond what you can provide, impact your physical or mental well-being, or compromise their safety, it may be time. If they’re still able to participate, involving your spouse in the decision can help them preserve a sense of dignity and autonomy. If you have adult children or other concerned relatives, you may want to initiate a conversation with them as well. In this blog, we share steps you can take to ease your spouse’s transition.
Emotions will come—let them
Moving a loved one to residential care can be emotionally challenging. Allow yourself to feel sad, depressed, angry, disappointed, worried, or anxious—but also relieved, peaceful, and calm. These feelings are necessary to begin healing. You may also feel a sense of guilt, but please know you did not cause your spouse’s illness or their increasing care needs. Read this blog to learn more.
As their illness progresses, you may begin to grieve the loss of who your spouse used to be. In this blog, we explore the spectrum of grief when caring for someone who is physically present but “not there.”
Explore housing options that meet your needs
Residential care varies based on the level of care needed, personal preferences, and financial resources. You’ll find a range of options, from smaller licensed family homes caring for 5 or fewer people, to larger multi-floor assisted care residences offering secure memory care.
Once you’ve determined the level of care needed, consider variables like cost, size and location, culture and social activities, meals and special diet accommodations, medical care onsite, and access to elevated care as your spouse’s dementia progresses.
If you find a residence you like, do your homework. It may look nice on the outside, but it’s their policies, practices, and staffing retention history that tell the true story. Research resident satisfaction ratings and business stability with:
What happens after you move your spouse to residential care?
Caregiving doesn’t end, it simply enters a new phase. In this guide, we discuss the shift in your role as a caregiver, how to support your spouse in their new living environment, and how to make the most out of your visits. If your spouse moves to memory care, our tips in this blog can help.
One final note
Family caregivers can experience less burden, and their own well-being may improve after moving a loved one. With your spouse no longer living at home, you may experience loneliness, an empty feeling, and the loss of your role as a caregiver. For spouses, making this decision can be particularly hard. It’s shaped by personal feelings, a sense of responsibility or obligation, financial realities, and an honest look at what you and your family can manage. Take the time you need to understand your situation, so you can move forward with peace of mind.
Source: Family Caregiver Alliance blog: Smart Caregiving by FCA: When Is It Right to Move My Wife into Residential Care?
We hope this information is helpful to you in the important work you do as a family caregiver.
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