Why Giving Yourself Permission to Drift is Good Caregiving
“Not all those who wander are lost.” — J.R.R. Tolkien
As family caregivers, we become exceptionally good at living life with a singular focus. Our days are shaped by purpose and precision:
- Doctor’s appointments and medication refills
- Grocery lists and meal prep
- Insurance calls and endless paperwork
- Laundry, chores, and the next thing that needs to be done
Eventually, even when we step outside the house, we are still on a mission. We move from task to task, keeping the world turning for the person in our care.
But what if, every now and then, we weren’t on a mission? What if we gave ourselves permission to simply wander?
Caregiver Practical Tip: Asking for the Time You Need
- How long can you be gone? Even 45 minutes or a couple of hours can reset your nervous system.
- Who can stay with the person in your care while you step away? You don’t need to explain what you’re doing—this is your time.
- Pro Tip: Give your support person a couple of specific dates so they have options, and frame the request gently but directly: Ask not “Will you?” but “When can you?”
Wandering Isn’t Wasting Time
If the idea of wandering feels a bit indulgent, read on. There is a profound difference between running errands and wandering:
- Errands have a strict destination and a deadline.
- Wandering has permission.
Wandering is giving yourself permission to take the scenic road because the trees look beautiful today. It’s stopping at a small antique store you’ve driven past a hundred times, walking slowly through a quiet bookstore, or meandering through a garden center without the slightest intention of buying a thing.
For many caregivers, stepping away without a clear “purpose” can feel almost irresponsible. But it isn’t irresponsible at all—it’s restorative.
Giving Your Brain a Needed Rest
Caregiving asks our brains to stay constantly “on.” We are perpetually planning, remembering, watching, anticipating, and problem-solving. Our minds rarely get a moment to drift.
Yet research shows that periods of relaxed attention—moments when we aren’t focused on completing a task—can significantly reduce stress, restore mental energy, and spark creativity. Sometimes, the most productive thing you can do for yourself and the person in your care is to briefly stop trying to be productive.
Restoring Your Spirit Without Spending a Dime
One of the gentlest aspects of wandering is that it doesn’t require a budget. You don’t need an expensive getaway to reset. You can simply:
- Walk slowly through a local park or nature trail
- Browse the quiet aisles of a library
- Visit a vibrant farmers market or thrift store
- Drive scenic back roads with your favorite music on
- Sit on a bench and simply watch the world go by
You may come home with nothing in your hands at all—except a lighter heart.
Finding More Than an Object
Occasionally, when I wander, I come home with a small treasure: a hand-blown glass vase, an old book with a wonderful title, or an object that seems to carry a quiet story.
But the physical object is never really the point. The true gift is allowing myself to be curious again. To notice. To breathe deeply.
In those quiet moments, I realize I wasn’t looking for something to buy. I was looking for myself.
Coming Home to Yourself
Caregiving can quietly consume so much of who we are. A short afternoon of wandering reminds us that we are still curious, still observant, still capable of delight—and still ourselves.
When we return to the person in our care, we often bring back something far more valuable than anything we could have purchased:
- A little more patience
- A little more perspective
- A little more joy
Sometimes that renewed spirit is exactly what the person in your care needs from you. But perhaps even more importantly… it is what you need from yourself.
A Moment for Reflection
When was the last time you left home with no destination, no checklist, and no timetable?
This week, consider scheduling a short window of time just for you. You might discover that wandering isn’t getting lost at all—it may just be one of the healthiest ways to find yourself again.
By Zanda Hilger, LPC, Founder, Family Caregiver & Program Manager for Family Caregivers Online
We hope this information is helpful to you in the important work you do as a family caregiver.
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