Caregiving isn’t just a series of tasks; for many of us, it is a family legacy.
My mother, Edna, spent her entire life caring for my father, a man who served in the military for 22 years. She stood by him through his service and his health struggles, providing years of unpaid care out of pure love. When he passed away in 2019, a piece of her seemed to go with him, and her health began a steady decline.
Today, Edna lives with severe arthritis in her shoulders, hips, and back, along with high blood pressure and diverticulitis. Every step with her walker is a battle. A fall last year—one that, thank God, resulted in no broken bones—was the wake-up call that changed everything for me.
Choosing “Presence” Over the Career
For years, I balanced my role as a daughter with my job as a records administrator at the Life Care Center of Plano. But as Mom’s needs grew, I realized I couldn’t be in two places at once.
In August, I made the bittersweet decision to take early retirement. I chose to be there for her, just as she was always there for my father. While I am incredibly blessed to still have her with me, this transition hasn’t been without its shadows.
The Weight of the “What Ifs”
The reality of caregiving often comes with a heavy side of financial anxiety. As medical expenses climb and we transition to living on Social Security and retirement pay, the worry about making ends meet is very real. It’s a common story in the caregiver community: we give our time and our hearts, but the bills don’t stop coming.
Despite the worry, I look at my mother and see the woman who supported a military man for over two decades. I see the woman who taught me what it means to show up for the people you love.
Lessons from the Journey
If I’ve learned anything in the 20 years I’ve spent supporting my parents, it’s these three things:
- Gratitude is a Lifeline: Even on the days when the arthritis is at its worst, I am grateful for the extra time we have.
- Safety First: A single fall can change your life. Being there to help her navigate the house isn’t just a chore; it’s a necessity.
- You Aren’t Alone in the Worry: If you are staring at a stack of medical bills and wondering how to make it work, please know I am right there with you and share the same concerns.
We are a community bound together by the love we have for our parents. We find a way because they found a way for us.
Editor’s Note:
For more information and helpful resources please see:
- Veterans Benefits & Support: Since Edna is a military widow, she may be eligible for specific assistance. Explore the Veterans Resource Category to find state and federal support programs for veterans and their survivors.
- Financial Planning & Assistance: For help navigating rising medical costs and managing retirement income, we specifically recommend AARP’s Financial Workbook for Family Caregivers which offers practical advice on health and money management.
- Managing Chronic Illness: To find tips on helping a loved one live with arthritis and high blood pressure, visit the Health & Healthy Aging section for guides on wellness and chronic disease management.
- Local Assistance (Texas): If you are in Texas like Nancy, call 2-1-1 or visit 211Texas.org to be connected with local community services that can assist with food, utilities, and housing costs.
- Aging and Disability Resource Centers (ADRC): For one-on-one counseling on long-term care options and caregiver support, find your local center via the ADWRC Resources Directory
We hope this information is helpful to you in the important work you do as a family caregiver.
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