Navigating changes in a loved one’s behavior, especially difficult behaviors, can be one of the most challenging parts of being a family caregiver.
A sudden shift in mood or routine can be an indicator of an underlying health or mental status change. By being observant and taking practical steps, you can better support your family member while also taking care of yourself.
Practical Steps to Take
When you notice a change in your loved one’s behavior, it’s important to first take a moment to really listen to their concerns. This means more than just hearing the words. Pause what you’re doing—whether it’s cleaning, cooking, or driving—and make eye contact. Give them your full attention.
Ask your family member directly what they need and work with them to meet those needs as closely as possible. If they can no longer do something they enjoy, like a favorite hobby, help them find an alternative that still brings them joy and a sense of purpose.
While you’re focused on their needs, don’t forget to set healthy limits for yourself. Be clear about what you can and can’t do based on your own skills, time, work, and family commitments. This isn’t selfish; it’s essential for preventing caregiver burnout.
Don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Talk to siblings and other family members and ask for their support. A simple way to do this is to create a “Job Jar” or “To Do” list. Ask your relative to help you list the tasks that need to be done. Then, you can share this list with others who have offered to help, such as family, friends, neighbors, or even church volunteers.
Understanding Difficult Behaviors
You might encounter a range of difficult behaviors, such as:
Restlessness and agitation
Combativeness or aggressiveness
Wandering
Sudden mood swings
Hallucinations or mistrust
Over-controlling or demanding behavior
While these behaviors can be upsetting, understanding their possible causes is the first step toward coping with them.
To learn more check out this education module: Behavior and Emotions of Aging
Finding the Cause and How to Cope
Many difficult behaviors are a sign of an underlying issue. Here are some possible causes and ways to respond:
Pain or Undiagnosed Illness: Pain from conditions like a urinary tract infection, dehydration, or constipation can cause agitation. Look for signs of pain and seek medical care.
Medication Side Effects: Changes in behavior can be a side effect of medication. Consult with the doctor to see if they can adjust the dosage or switch to a different prescription.
Lack of Proper Nutrition: Poor nutrition can affect mood and energy. Make sure their dentures are properly fitted if they have them. If cooking is a problem, consider services like Meals on Wheels or congregate meals at a local senior center.
Uncomfortable Environment: The temperature, lighting, or noise level might be the problem. Try to adjust the environment to be more comfortable by dimming lights, turning down the volume, or closing blinds.
Fatigue: Restlessness can be a sign of exhaustion. Provide a quiet, comfortable atmosphere and opportunity for rest.
Sensory Loss: Vision or hearing loss can lead to confusion, causing them to misinterpret things they see or hear. Make sure they have and use corrective lenses or hearing aids as needed.
Lack of Activity: Boredom can lead to agitation. Encourage physical activity that is safe and appropriate for them.
Feelings of Powerlessness: A loss of control over their life can be very difficult. Allow your loved one to make their own choices whenever possible, even if they are small ones. Providing assistive devices can also help them maintain independence.
Confusion or Memory Loss: For those with memory loss, a chaotic or unfamiliar environment can be overwhelming. Keep things calm and consistent. Try to maintain a routine and keep household objects in the same place. When a change must happen, prepare them for it beforehand.
By calmly looking for the root cause of these difficult behaviors, you can often find a practical solution that helps both your loved one and you.
We hope this information is helpful to you in the important work you do as a family caregiver.
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