My Story – Christi W.
Eight years ago, when my mother was 68, she had a stroke. I was 41 at the time. She lost all movement on the left side of her body, but within a couple of weeks, she regained some movement in her left arm and foot.
I was adopted and am an only child, so I was the only one available to help her. Two years ago, my mother and I moved closer to family in North Texas.
I’ve remained single, and my mother has lived with me both before and after her stroke. Afterward, I helped her with toileting, meals, and showers—and I still help with some of those tasks today. She doesn’t have memory loss or confusion, but she occasionally forgets names of people or objects.
She contributes about 30% of our living expenses from her Social Security. Even though she no longer drives, she still makes payments on her car. She buys groceries about once a month. Although she went through rehab for alcoholism and was sober for 11 years, she now drinks moderately. We’ve reached an unspoken compromise—she can have one daily margarita that I make for her.
What advice would you give to other caregivers?
- Ask for help, and be specific about what you need.
- Take care of yourself. When I need space, I say hello when I get home, make sure my mom doesn’t need anything, and then go to my room to decompress.
- I use guided meditations on YouTube almost every day.
- Decide to stay positive.
- Expect that you’ll feel down or depressed at times. When that happens, get out of the house—exercise, join a group, or spend time away from your care situation when you can.
What is the hardest thing about being a caregiver?
- It’s every single day—there’s no real break.
- I know I’ll be her caregiver for the rest of her life.
- I have times I am depressed but I keep going because I have to.
- She’s stubborn—won’t take showers, won’t stay active, and argues with me.
- She can be passive-aggressive and overly sensitive, and we get into arguments. I don’t always handle it well, but I’ve learned the best approach is to walk away, give it some time, and revisit the issue later.
What is your greatest regret?
Looking back, my greatest regret is not starting financial conversations with my mother earlier. Through my work with this program, I’ve learned that completing financial and medical powers of attorney and living wills is simple—and free. Taking care of those details early can save families a great deal of stress later.
What is the most rewarding thing about being a caregiver?
I love my mother, and I’m grateful I can care for her and spend this time with her. Knowing I’m doing the right thing brings me peace. I would worry about her if she were in a facility.
Editor’s Note:
For legal matters, it’s always best to consult an elder law attorney. Free or low-cost legal advice may be available through your state or local bar association or through large churches where attorneys volunteer their time.
For more information and helpful resources:
Texas-specific forms – Available on this blog, courtesy of elder law attorney Virginia Hammerle, Lewisville Texas. Also view her Zoom presentation at Caregiver Teleconnection, The Magnificent Seven: Legal Documents for Older Adults.
Additional articles – Explore related blogs at familycaregiversonline.net.
- Resources in your state – Call 211 or search online using terms such as power of attorney, medical power of attorney, living will, health care proxy, or other terms specific to your state.
Edited by Zanda Hilger, LPC, Founder, Family Caregiver & Program Director for Family Caregivers Online
